Direction

So here I sit, in Las Vegas. Ironically, I'm freezing! My roommate/landlord (I rent a room in his townhouse) is so ultra concerned about the gas bill, that it's 34 degrees outside (and dropping), and yet the heat is off. Not "low"... it's OFF! I really do understand concerns about energy bills, but damn it----I'm cold! I'm wearing two pair of socks, two pair of pants, a shirt, a sweater, and I'm still cold! Maybe my mind is overactive tonight, just trying to stay warm? I don't know, but it's definitely on overdrive.

Tonight my mind is whirling, thinking about the course of my life. Am I really steering it in the direction I want to go? Do I even know what direction that is? I believe most people have a lot more control over their so-called "destiny" than they believe. The problem with this belief, of course, is that I have to apply it to myself. This means admitting that where I am in my life is... my fault. "Fault" is a rough word, but I mean I have to admit that I steered my life to this point. Certainly there were a few detours beyond my control, but for the most part my life is a direct result of the choices I've made.

So do I think the current state of my life is a good thing, or a bad thing? MMM... My opinion about that varies greatly depending on my mood that day (or hour). There are times I see the good things... My amazing friends and family, all the traveling I've done and things I've experienced, my talents, my music, etc. Of course everything has an opposite. There is the dark side... My complete lack of financial security, lack of direction, feeling old, poor health, and the crushing loneliness that often accompanies a life of frequent travel/relocation. It is difficult some days to deal with these things. It is even more difficult to admit to myself that I am largely to blame for them all. It would be so much easier to be like the majority of people I meet, who blame whatever and whomever they can for their problems. They blame their parents, they blame the president, they blame the economy, they blame the devil, they blame whatever they can find. If I could blame my troubles on someone or something (besides myself), at least there would be some small comfort in that. I do understand the appeal. The problem is I know who is really to blame.

I am (and hopefully will always be) a dreamer. I've always had big dreams, and I've always wanted big things out of life. The thing is, for the last few years I've started wondering if chasing all these big dreams will cause me to ultimately miss out on the more simple pleasures life has to offer? Perhaps it already has? Do I even have the capacity to be satisfied by a more simple life? I just don't know. I really wish I did. The upside of knowing that the direction of my life is largely the result of my choices, is knowing I have the ability to change it. My problem is knowing which direction will steer me towards happiness.

I know... It's not a terribly new or original problem, but it is what I'm thinking about tonight. That, and how damn cold it is in here!

What?! ;^)

"Can we stop by the store, so I can buy a special shirt to wear when I ask Catalina out? She likes dogs, so maybe if they have one made out of dog skin, that would be good."

-Randy
"My Name Is Earl"

Disney Girl

After spending the summer trapped in a 24/7 Disney environment, I must say this video is completely awesome...

Disney Girl

Thanksgiving 2006

OK, so it would be easy to be in a bad mood today. Last year I actually got to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner TWICE! Once with my family (before my parents left for Arizona), and once with good friends. This year my friends and family are 1000+ miles away, and the friends we had our 2nd T-Day dinner with last year are currently going through a sad divorce. I'm sitting here watching the Detroit Thanksgiving Parade on TV, and thinking of home.

So OK, I'm spending Thanksgiving totally alone, far away from friends and family. Still, I can't help but think how thankful I am to have awesome family and friends to miss. I might not always remember it, but I am a fortunate person in many ways. My Thanksgiving this year will consist of sitting alone eating a frozen pizza, but it doesn't make me any less thankful!

Potato Candy - The highest evolution of sugar

My brother reveals the family secret... how to create the most delicious and addictive substance on the planet:

Computer Janitor: Potato Candy?

Make at your own risk!

Neil Patrick Harris is gay, Barney Stinson is straight

OK, so the former Doogie Howser came out and announced he is gay. Given all the gay actors in theatre and film, who would really care, right? Well, the issue seems to be that on his new show, the hilarious "How I Met Your Mother", Neil Patrick Harris plays Barney Stinson---the ultimate woman-hunting bachelor. In fact, it was his hilarious, over-the-top character that made the show into one of my new favorites. So I admit, when I heard Harris is gay, I was surprised. For some reason I had thought he was married (to a woman) and had kids.

Does it matter that Harris is gay, but plays the ultimate ladies man? NOPE. His character, Barney, is still the same crazy girl-chaser he always was. For those who don't know, actors are NOT the characters they play!! Eric McCormack who played (homosexual) Will on "Will & Grace" is in fact straight, and has a wife and kids. Guess what else I found out? Michael Dorn who played "Worf" on Star Trek... He's not actually a Klingon! I'm sorry, but it's true. And James Marsters, who played Spike on "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"... You guessed it: not actually a vampire. Actors create CHARACTERS for us to enjoy. If you enjoy the characters, does it matter what the actors who portray them do?

I just watched this week's episode of "How I Met Your Mother", and it was hysterical as always. I consider it to be the new "Friends"... And I mean that in a good way. CBS had an awesome idea, by having Barney (the character) have his own blog, that he sometimes refers to in the show. Check it out, it's hilarious!

Stan Bush

Stan Bush rules!
(If you're not a child of the 80's, you just won't understand)

http://www.stanbush.com/

Team America said it all...

I'm So Ronery

From "Team America-World Police"

I'm So Ronery
I'm so ronery
So ronery
So ronery and sadry arone

There's no one
Just me onry
Sitting on my rittle throne
I work very hard and make up great prans
But nobody ristens, no one understands
Seems that no one takes me serirousry

And so I'm ronery
A little ronery
Poor rittre me

There's nobody
I can rerate to
Feer rike a bird in a cage
It's kinda sihry
But not rearry
Because it's fihring my body with rage

I work rearry hard and I'm physicarry fit
But nobody here seems to rearize that
When I rure the world maybe they'rr notice me
But untir then I'rr just be ronery
Rittre ronery, poor rittre me
I'm so ronery
I'm so ronery

Long days in Vegas

Boromir: I will find no rest here... even now, there is hope left, but I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope.

-Lord of the Rings