A New Hope

Sometimes I feel a bit trapped inside the apartment, especially late at night when Scott is asleep, and things are quiet. Sometimes I go outside for a while, to clear my head, and to just breathe. Looking up at the stars helps me feel less trapped, and more connected to life beyond this sleepy rural college town.

I guess I've had a lot on my mind lately. OK, probably for longer than just "lately"... more like weeks. I've definitely been letting some things stack up in my mind, without making an honest attempt to deal with them. Tonight I could feel the walls closing in on me with a bit of extra force, so around 2AM... outside I went. It's been raining off-and-on tonight, but fortunately I chose a non-rainy moment to venture out into the back yard. I guess most people would consider the sky pretty gloomy tonight. It was very dark. At first the only lights I could see were the red blinkers on a distant radio tower. After a few minutes of taking in the darkness, I had decided to head back inside. As I turned to go, my eye caught sight of a white light. I looked up, and I could see a single star shining through a small opening in the thick cloud cover. I stood in silence, watching this star.

For some reason, the whole experience started to have an effect on my emotional state. As I stood staring off into that little sliver of visible space, I started to get the sneaking suspicion that maybe everything is going to be alright after all. Maybe in this universe of chaos, things are actually going to work out for me. Basically, I began to feel... hope. It started to rain lightly, but I didn't care. I kept watching the sky, and the feeling kept growing. Even now, almost two hours later, that feeling has not left me. Maybe Bob Marley was right when he wrote:

"Everything's gonna be alright" (from No Woman No Cry)